How Real People Feel About Socialising

Now that “Dry January” and its neighbour “Fairly Fallow February” have passed, we’re starting to feel a bit more sociable. Ready to go out, maybe even “out out”. We spoke to real people to get cross-generational views on what going out looks like today, and if it’s getting better or worse.

Summary.

• Less money = less spontaneity, more planning, and fewer hangovers

• People are more inclined to socialise at home, and maybe even skip the pub

• Young people aren’t seen as more boring, but certainly more sensible

• Digital has made connection more frequent but looser, with fewer meet ups IRL

• Socialising with colleagues feels harder, with people treading on eggshells.

Going out has become less spontaneous - more intentional and planned.

With money being squeezed and costs rising, people are less inclined to go out “just for the sake of it”. If you’re going to go out, you’re do it right, plan it properly, set up a WhatsApp group, and like Shalamar, make it a night to remember. This is starting to shift emphasis away from just drinking (which has skyrocketed in cost) and more towards experiences - such as food, live music, cinema, or experiential events. These have also increased in cost but leave a more lasting memory than a hangover.

“Now it’s more about having an experience. It takes more planning, you want something that’s new, that you’ll get the most out of. More than just going out for the sake of it” – Ben, 35

“You’ve got more selection and variety now. More music venues and smaller indie venues” – Simon, 44

“It was better 10 years ago. Service was better, prices weren’t as high. So you save up a bit more and go to better places, so you don’t go as often as you would have done.” – Eibhlinn, 53

“I use WhatsApp to organise nights out for my football society, there’s 60-70 people in the but with one poll you can sort out everything.” – Freddie, 19

Home is where the savings are.

Far from making people desperate to get out of their houses, we are more comfortable with socialising at home 5 years post-pandemic. Pre-drinking, a staple for students, is becoming more of the norm for everybody else, with costs making it a no-brainer to start at home or skip the pub. With food options at home being increasingly good and accessible, it’s tempting to avoid hospitality altogether. With dress codes being more casual and relaxed than ever, it’s easier for people to go straight to the club, show, or event from home without having to get too dressed up.

“People don’t eat to eat out as much, they do Deliveroo or get more takeaways. When you do go out the service isn’t as good as it used to be.” – Eibhlinn, 53

“Nowadays you don’t have dress codes, so you don’t have to wear shirt and shoes and all that shite. It used to piss me off so much.” – Simon, 44

“The pressure of what people wear has reduced. Things are more casual now, everyone is just wearing trainers and whatever.” – Sarah, 41

“We might to friends for dinner, or have them come to us, and spend some money having a nice menu, or a nice bottle of wine.” – Ben, 35

Gen Z aren't more boring, just more sensible.

Much has been made of how Gen Z are less “fun” than preceding generations. That they go out less, drink less, have less sex, and are glued to their phones. Whatever the truth of this, the perception of the younger generation isn’t a negative one – that they’re boring – but one of admiration and respect. Seeing them as healthier, more sensible, more caring, and more likely to look out for their friends. Whether a younger generation would want their elders to think they’re sensible is another matter.

“We look out for our mates a lot more than previous generations. I feel like we’re all looking out for each other.” – Freddie, 19

“That generation have seen what each other do more widely, they’re a lot more health conscious and focussed, and willing to try stuff. I didn’t go to the gym when I was 20!” – Ben 35,

“Drinking is a deadly drug, so it’s probably a good thing – it’ll save the NHS a lot of money” – Simon, 44

“I don’t think they’re boring, it’s just a different way of the world. It’s a different way of approaching social things, when they do go out they go for it… just not as much as we did in our uni days” – Sarah, 41

Digital has made us more connected, but more loosely.

There’s an argument that people are actually socialising with their friends more than ever: social media providing instant updates into people’s wellbeing, and the constant ping of WhatsApp all day in groups of all shapes and sizes. But this hyper-connection has led to looser connections, a less authentic view of how friends are really doing (beyond the social highlight reel), made relationships more throwaway, and plans easier to cancel.

“It’s so easy to cancel plans now. I’ve got 20 people on my team, 4 people turned up when I organised something. Lots said yes and then texted at the last minute to say they’re not going to make it.” – Sarah, 41

“If you’re not out there in the mix and you’re at home on your phone, you’re not really socialising” – Eibhlinn, 53

“People are sat in their rooms looking at phone screens instead of having human interactions. You can’t really get to know a person by what they type on a screen.” – Simon, 44

“There’s 11 of us in my accommodation and 3 you don’t see. One buys a bottle of vodka and drinks it while gaming online. That’s what he chooses to do instead of going out. I think the fact they can on Discord means they can do what they would in person, but through a game.” – Freddie, 19

Socialising at work has become more difficult.

Having phones with cameras and instant access to social media at every night out has made people more wary of how they comport themselves, but nowhere more so than with colleagues. It’s not a top of mind worry, but the idea of doing or saying the wrong thing and being “cancelled” is a risk people didn’t pay any mind to 10 years ago. The positive upswing of this is that work events are kinder, safer and more inclusive than ever, even if people tend to stick to their work friend group more tightly.

“It makes people more wary about going out after work and saying something that might offend someone. Am I now a Gammon or a Bigot because I don’t agree with you? But we have inclusion networks that encourage allyship and have led to some really good events and deeper relationships” – Ben, 35

“In Brighton there’s a lot more things frowned upon than in Essex, so people are a lot more aware and will call people out for what they say, but it’s not something I’d be cautious about. – Freddie, 19

“I feel a massive difference in socialising with how it was 10 years ago in the workplace.” – Sarah, 41

“I don’t really socialise at work and if I do you can’t put stuff on Facebook. If you do or say the wrong thing they’re on you, so I just tend to stick with my own crew who know you and accept you for who you are.” – Eibhlinn, 53